Women and Tears
June 22, 2006, 11:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Coming from a family made up of four women and my father and I, I have always thought that I was easily in tune to women and their ways. At one point, I even deigned to believe that I understood women. Jerry Sienfeld makes a joke that wherever men are, they are looking into the situation of how to get more women. The reason being, I believe, is because we as men lose women’s interest so often because we don’t understand them we have to find ways of getting them back. I’ll admit it here and now in front of the world that I don’t understand women.

If any woman is reading this blog at this very moment, I apologize to you now. When our dear maker formed us, he in his wisdom created us differently. Partly, I believe, because he knew that through pain and sorrow we would learn and become wise. This wisdom would teach us to seek Truth and Happiness. So women, had to suffer in child birth and the fact that men don’t get them. Men have to suffer, because we don’t understand women. Women had to get two things because though child birth is hard, and Jaci will probably soon enough attest to this, I think the fact that men don’t understand women frustrates women and thus make men pay for it. And do we pay for it, you bet your sweet bippy we do. In all seriousness, I love womenkind and find myself instictively and intellectually attracted to the opposite sex.

I say instinctively because I belive that the true miracle of life is that a man and woman are able to stand each other long enough to get married. The birth of children pale in comparison when you think of all that each member of the sexes have to endure to arrive at one final perfect but imperfect love. Once found, it burns with a flame that will never be extinguished. For now, I’ve got plenty of snuffed out candles. So I figure, again, our Father in Heaven made it instict for us to seek the opposite gender out because otherwise relationships would be at great peril. Women would spend their days watching Pride and Prejudice dreaming of Mr. Darcy with toussled hair and a five o’clock shadow waiting in the rain to hold them, Elizabeth, in his arms with his quiet but manly strength. Men, however, would require some sort of system to keep them blinking while they play the likes of Madden, Tony Hawk, and Blitz for hours on only to stop to switch systems and play Halo while someone makes a Taco Bell or pizza run.

Intellectually, women are fascinating creatures, I might get in trouble for this and Kenzi may have second thoughts about trying to call me, because they possess so much at their disposale. I think God gave women hormonal fluctuations to balance things out. If they didn’t they wouldn’t be wisked away by cheesy poetry, flowers, and Mr. Darcy. So when one of guys burps and has to turn away from our plasma screens and notice a pretty girl by the way long enough to say something nice to her, she falls for one of us poor slobs. Otherwise, why women would go for guys amazes me, especially when some our best material can be summed up with Heh, Baby, I want you to be my, Baby.

I ramble because it’s late, but it’s fun for me. Ok, truthfully, the other great equalizer given to women by Our Father is something commonly known as the tear duct. While all men and women have tear ducts that supply moistening and lubricating fluid to the eye, some are more capable of controlling these ducts. For some, these ducts are nothing more than flood gates to be released at will. Seriously, it amazes me how in five seconds tears can start popping out like BB’s from a red rider gun. And when those tear gates open, there are few men that can keep their nerve with their eyes watching a quivering lower lip and damp eyes and wet cheeks. We can’t do anything.

And by the way, what’s with girls calling crying cathartic. Anyway, just a side note, does anybody know who won the World Cup, pass the controller, I’m gonna play some Tony Hawk.


1 Comment so far
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The DTR when that well, huh?

Comment by Mckenzie

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