The Significant Other Buffet
April 4, 2008, 2:16 am
Filed under: Dating, Ramble | Tags: ,

Of late, I have had the opportunity to spend a lot of time around diapers. And by diapers I mean babies, and by babies I mean parents, and by parents I mean married people. By married people I mean friends who’ve gotten married, had babies, and bought diapers. So I’ve been spending a good deal around diapers lately.

At 26, I’ve seen a lot of my friends pass through these stages while I’ve chosen to remain single. And by chosen I mean, I’m that guy that everybody says is quite the guy (and I am) but for some reason hasn’t gotten married yet. Maybe it’s the mole on the back of my head (ew gross, i know, but it’s true, think of it as a tickle button). Maybe it’s my affinity for talking during movies or during tv shows or while the radio’s playing or while the radio’s off. Maybe it’s just me talking that drives people nuts. Or maybe it’s the go-to response that every single married person or any single person who thinks you should married,… “you’re just too picky.”

Right, I am too picky. Let’s consider the seriousness of the choice and the way people act when they say you’re too picky. When people say I’m too picky, I feel like I’m in a grocery store trying to pick out fruit. Then I get an image in my head of me walking around the ward pinching, poking, and mumbling to myself…”well this one isn’t ripe yet. Ahh, the Accountant’s must not be in season right now…” From what I hear, marriage is kind of an eternal option. So, being picky might be a good idea. I can barely decide who I want to hang out with on a Friday night let alone eternity.

And I don’t even know if I’m the best person to make that decision, up until the time that I moved back to VA, the list of choices in dating I’ve made has included two bi-polars, two people that refused to take prozac (for the record, I have nothing against people with depression. However, I do believe that if they’re prescribed meds, they should take them. I’ve got asthma, you don’t see me refusing my inhaler.), two candidates for Miss Cling-Wrap, and one foot mutilator (sound’s like there’s a story there, well, there is).

So, if I’m picky, imagine if I weren’t, I’d be dating ax murderer’s, reformed nose pickers, and britney impersonators or even just britney herself (I hear she’s on the market). It’s not like I can just walk up to just any blessed daughter of our heavenly father (almost rhymes) and say “will you”…and have it all work with me riding into the sunset on a Llama (sorry, allergic to horses). And there’s not Significant Other Buffet that I can just walk down the aisle and pick out the little traits that I want.

“Ooh, I’ll take some personality. Maybe some affection, well not too much, it’ll give me an upset stomach later….hmm, do I really want the crazy special?…”

There’s no such thing as the significant other buffet. BYU seemed like it was something close to that, but no matter where you are finding the right match is hard and I’ll give a shout out and congrats to Chris and his recent engagement to Jennie. They did it, but as they can attest it wasn’t an easy process.

If you ask me, you go to the buffet for fun but not to find something you really like. For the real thing, the real treat, you find this restaurant one day. Maybe it’s in the corner of the shopping mall you go all the time. Maybe, it’s in the middle of nowhere. Or maybe a friend of yours recommended it. The truth of the matter is, you’re investing memories, you don’t just do that any restaurant. You do it at the one that gives you the right mix of what’s important to you: food, ambience, staff, even the table linens. The same thing goes with mate seeking, you don’t settle for any person or an ok person. You go with the person that makes feel at your best and the person you with whom you want to make all your memories.

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7 Comments so far
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I really liked your thoughts here. I completely agree, and have similar thoughts about how it’s okay to be picky sometimes.

Comment by Amanda

You know, even though that picture made my mouth water (it’s lunchtime), I would much rather forgo the buffet for a restaurant, because they will almost always be better in quality and just more worth it. I’ve always felt that it’s important to take your time in an important decision.

Comment by Kevin

Umm, you are funny! I think you should write for a magazine or something. It is alright you are picky…it’s hard to find someone when the perfect girl is already taken. Heeheehee ๐Ÿ™‚

Comment by Jax

Just linked over from Facebook – I could have written this word for word. Well, not really – it wouldn’t have come out as eloquently, I’m sure. Just wait a few more years… then you aren’t just picky, but there’s something wrong with you too! lol. And I’d have to agree… fine dining is MUCH better than a buffet ๐Ÿ˜‰

Thanks for the laugh.

Comment by Gwen

Feeling the pressure, Dave? I honestly believe that LDS people create this marriage pressure cooker for themselves and then impose it on successive generations. If you were dealing with people in the “real” world, they would have no idea what your problem is.

Comment by Irene

I like the pressure cooker analogy, seems fitting. However, I disagree that it is “caused or imposed by LDS people”. It is caused through simple scarcity of time; LDS theology emphasizes the family as a major purpose in life so naturally (not forcefully) members would gravitate to this goal. Every culture/civilization has goals and purposes that would seem unnesessary and mundane to others. Also, to insist that people in the “real world” don’t feel the pressures of finding a soul mate is very shortsighted.

Comment by Jordan

Dave, Jordan thought I would be interested in this post, and he was right! I totally understand your feeling of dating buffet. To be honest with you, I was like that before I met Jordan (sounds so e-harmony), and at one time I was dating-bulimic, gradually, I developed this thought of ” being single, fabulous, and rich” idea, at that point, kid/husband didn’t even exist in my dictionary. I can go on and on and rant about how sick the society expect us to be everything, but then I realize it was me/my ego who pushes me to keep up with the Jones. It’s not really much about what church teaches us (since I wasn’t raised in the Church, and I am/was part of the “real world” to quote what Iren said), it’s more about the society which creates the norms/ideology to us. So even in real world, I still have the pressure of “looking-thin” because all of my friends are pretty much under 100 pounds(and you know how Asians are, we are always very competitive and reserved). Sadly, the pressure pot will always be there everywhere regardless of race, religion, gender, etc; nonetheless, we can always decide whether to jump into it or not. But I agree with you, nothing wrong with being picky, it’s like you are making some gourmet food, and it takes time to prepare it.

Comment by Kay




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