My Dating Resume
July 3, 2008, 6:31 pm
Filed under: Dating

Dating\'s HardSuccess and failure is something that goes hand in hand with anyone that’s attempted to date since now and since Anthony and Cleopatra.  Failure occurs for many  reasons, and like King Benjamin I’m not going to tell you all the ways that you might fail, because I’d hate to give you any ideas.  But in conversations with a friend the other day she shared with me how her professional success was holding her back in her dating efforts.  Apparently, we men can be a bit intimidated by women who break the “I want to be bake pies all day” stereotype that go out there and make something of themselves.  My next line was going to be, “while they make something of themsleves, before they get married.”  I only include it to point out that I’m not immune from such stereotypical sexiest pig type of thinking.  Let’s be honest, a woman’s career does not have to nor should it be expected to end when the first kid pops out of the womb.  The inbetween and hereafter are between Man and Woman and how they choose to go through life hand in hand. *Sigh, precious* 

The point, our successes and our failures play very heavily into how successful we are at dating.  You can be Johnny Six-Pack with abs that make washboards jealous, but if your chosen profession aside from staring in the mirror is dishwasher you’re looking for a sugar momma or a quick divorce.  Either way, the point is a lot of history and current occupation plays into dating.

My friend, the successful professional women, suggested that she might eventually turn to handing out resumes on her first dates to make clear from the beginning what her capabilities are and what she’s done in the past to get rid of possible concerns or inhibitions of the fella sitting across from her at the dating table.  If you think about it, handing that Dating C.V. over does shorten up a lot of the necessary conversation to find out the general dating questions we try and harvest from conversation during the first few dates.  A resume would let Mr. Schmo go back to his pad and look over the resume and sincerely consider if further interviews are warranted.

So the wheels in my head are turning and I thought I might churn out my own dating resume.   However, I’ll against the recommended resume format and go backwards.

Viddy S. Hunky

Preschool: Maryland

  • Offerred a chance to call a girl Hot Lips
  • Went on four playground dates a week
  • Voted by fellow cheese cracker eaters as the Head Cracker
  • Convicted for stealing one of the three little pig puppets when the teacher wasn’t listed

Elementary School:Chile and Maryland

  • Successfully escorted one girl to Back to the Future
  • Was slapped by a girl, but then subsenquent kissed on the cheek when I cried.
  • Followed Chilean fashions while living in the US, which meant incorporating short shorts into my wardrobe.
  • Discovered that baggy pants weren’t made baggy by the length of pants, but by the waist size.
  • Wore pants too long by two inches for two years.

Middle School: Virginia

  • Very Little Dating Occurred at this point.
  • Recieved first Bowl Cut after graduating the Eighth Grade.
  • Became a skilled Matballer, still wearing the short gym shorts btw
  • Maintained a 4.0 in being afraid of Girls

High School: Virginia

  • Went on first date, after which my date promptly threw up.
  • Took out one girl twice, who on both occasions decided to ditch me.
  • Discovered a fashion sense, and received the label “preppy”.
  • Began campaigning for Most Likely to Say Hi, my freshman year, and won my senior year.  Several restraining orders are no longer in place.
  • Escorted a sophomore to my Senior prom purely for the fact that she was cute, and no I can’t remember her name.
  • Once argued with my Junior Homecoming date while our two friends unbeknown to us made out in the back seat.
  • Worked four summers for my grandfather on his house.
  • First note recieved from a girl that liked me on the last day that I was in town before returning to VA.
  • Stalked by one girl for the first time.
  • Elected Senior Class Treasurer, but thwarted by my Chorus Teacher, was never allowed to attend meetings.
  • 2nd string Guard in Freshman and JV Football and JV wrestler for two years
  • 2nd in the District, and 4th in the Region Shotputter. 
  • Rid myself of the bowl cut and stuck with parting hair down the middle.
  • Rid of the down the middle part and stuck with the tossled hair look.
  • Graduated and almost hit by a flying mechanical fish during the graduation ceremony thrown by the Principal.

More to come…


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

You know you’ve made it when you’ve been stalked. 🙂

Comment by Kimberly

Ok, that is hilarious! I may have to compile my own dating resume.

Comment by Sydney

Since I observed the the majority of your college dating effort, I can’t wait to read on. Make sure to mention the kiss that didn’t kiss back.

Comment by Adamo

This is hilarious– love the play-by-play history of love.

Comment by Jaclyn

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