Our family has a whole host of stories that if you know us for any period of time we eventually tell to embarrass one another. One of my sister’s favorites to tell about me is about funny faces in the window. Now, one would assume from that brief reference that this could only be a story about someone making funny faces from one side of window to others present on the other side of the window. Not so.

At dinner I was usually placed opposite the window in our kitchen which became more of a mirror at night because of how dark it gets (yep, you guessed it) at night. One night, my narcissistic tendencies took over and I began making faces at myself. Well, as attractive as I may think I am, I also find myself very entertaining. So I proceeded to make funny faces at myself with unending delight. Oh, and I was 12 by the way. So, it’s not like I was a four year old being cute, I was a 12 year old just being plain vanilla vain (I love the alliteration). In the future, our family chores began to include: setting the table, getting the condiments, calling people to dinner, and my favorite, pulling the shades so I couldn’t stare at myself. That’s when I discovered the microwave also makes a decent reflective surface.

I share this story as intro to a line of thinking. I haven’t really had to stretch too hard to entertain myself and I’ve always enjoyed writing. Blogging has become an opportunity for me to indulge in both these habits. However, I’ve found my perspective change somewhat since I’ve discovered that I have a small audience. And that’s okay, I love it that people are reading my stuff. However, I do find myself writing just a tad differently.

I’m not as willing to just say anything I want as much as I used to for fear of offending someone. That says something to me and I think it says something about all of us. We each have these inner monologues that drone on in our head every day. A constant stream of thought were we find ourselves capturing, analyzing, evaluating, and eventually judging what goes on around us. And some of what we think is quite pleasant and worth sharing. Some of it, however, is rude, petty, and completely unfair. I’ll admit I haven’t always thought the nicest things about people and discovered how utterly wrong I am. A passionate person, I can mentally jump off the handle and get steamed over what seems like nothing a few days later.

Previously, I would take these emotions and let them color the pages of my blog to truly express my emotion. Now, I find myself restraining somewhat for fear of offending and having to consider the consequences. A reporter might call this self-censorship, I call it growing up. Four-year-olds are the ones that say the first thing that comes to mind, and even if its an insulting remark we let it go because they don’t know better. I’m in my late twenties (well, in the upper half at least), and I need to be smarter, more clever, and respectful of myself and y’all in the way I write. Just like a driver’s license, there’s a poetic license that comes with an equal amount of responsibility for the freedom we get to write our thoughts on digital paper.

I remark only because while staring at my reflection in this screen, I find myself making funny faces still. Writing has become a very fun outlet for me, but the thought that I have to censure myself a bit bothered me for a moment. Thinking about it, just means I need to be a better, more humorous, but respectful writer than I was when I first started writing.

If you are still reading, thanks. I appreciate the attention and it does great things for my self-esteem. Most of all, thanks for being my friend and thanks for being interested in my life. I’m privileged to have you around and I hope you enjoy the funny face I’m making at you right now.