This blog has been serving as a space for me to spill out some frustrations and thoughts while also serving as a journal for my experiences in this spinning futbol we call earth. Recently, I watched the movie, The Break-Up, probably one of the best metaphors for the actual event. The movie, while having some clever lines, had all the awkwardness of two individuals coming to terms that things aren’t the way they should be and paths should cease.

The movie portrays a lot of stupid things people do to make each other miserable during the process. My own personal situation is something of no small amazement to me. A friend asked me once why I could be so happy with so many health and social problems. Ok, let’s be honest, social can be a substitute for women. Anyway, trying to break it off with a girl who is engaged is something of a struggle. The ironic twist is she’s already committed to a relationship, while I haven’t been comitted to any particular relationship for over a year. Somehow in the process of some innocent flirting, the tram car has jumped the track. So the following are some fanatical ravings of a lunatic, well, you can let lunatic substitute for one more clueless guy in a sea of confusion that slam against the shores of Relationship beach but are continually pulled back to their source. How’s that for verbal gymnastics?

Innocent Flirting

Something of an oxymoron, because there is nothing innocent about flirting. That was my mistake, I figured it was like me playing soccer with David Beckham (I’m in europe so all my sports analogies are slanted towards the culture). I’d figure he’d let me kick the ball around bit and not crush me to a pulp. Well, in this case, an innocent game of pick up soccer has left me cleat faced and bloody. So, my friends, my attempt at innocent flirting has shown that there is no such thing as an innocent flirt. There are no vicitms, but only culprits in the end. For the record here and now, I’ll confess to the throng that innocent flirting is nonexistant. When we flirt we attempt to get the attentions of the opposite sex even if we have no attentions for any kind of rendevous. In the end, there are no real winners. My mistake.

Break Up Talk

Have you ever watched any of those date shows? Personally, I hate them. They always take two people and put them together and roll the camera. They spend the entire date trying to perform for the camera, each other, and their egos. In the end, they both say stupid stuff and the show’s editors have a lot of fodder to work with. I hate them, because they remind me of some of my dates. Everyone seems to say the same things on these dates. The same is true for break-ups. Typically they end with the same kind of language.

My personal favorite is the surprised failure of the relationship. Alike so….Wow, I can’t believe this is happening…. me neither…..well, it should of worked, we were almost perfect for each other…I know, it doesn’t make any sense to me…Ya, what a shame…. Ya, well see ya. Another oldie but goodie is the fortune telling. This is quite common among the mormon culture because we feel obligated to testify and make each other feel good. Well, I’m sorry we didn’t work out…Ya, me too…Ya know, I’m sure the very next person you meet will be the one. I don’t know I just have a feeling…Really….Ya, I’m pretty sure, you’re going to make some person so happy some day. In the secret whisperings of your mind these are the true meansings of this conversations.
Well, I’m sorry we didn’t work out(So glad this is finally over)
Ya, me too(Ok, we’re breaking up, I just want out of here, I can still catch the rest of Blind Date)
Ya know, I’m sure the very next person you meet will be the one. I don’t know I just have a feeling(Say something nice, get rid of any guilt I might have.)
Really(Ok, sure, this genius is recieving revelation for me now. Great, maybe they know the winning lotto numbers too. What kind of idiot do you think I am)
Ya, I’m pretty sure, you’re going to make some person so happy some day.(Somebody, anybody, anything with pulse, just as long as it’s not my name on their driver’s license)
We’ll see(I wonder if their roommate’s available, as I recall they winked at me last time I was over here)

Now the best ones are when one person feels slighted and the other one just doesn’t care. That’s when the real good ones come out. I’ll even sweeten the pot, the scriptures are truth. I’ve prayed about it and know its true. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn. God wrote it, I believe it, that settles it. If you break up with a girl and she’s mad at you, she’ll go from sweetheart with sweet nothings to zippy one liners that would put Jane Austen’s witty reparte to shame. For example, my personal situation, as I was attempting a preemptive goodbye. I was told that I didn’t have to fake it. I responded that I just don’t get upset when people leave, because I’m used to moving a lot and figure if I don’t see them in this life again, there’s always the next. She responded that I didn’t appreciate the things people did for me. Ouch! That was a slide tackle with the cleats up, Holland would be proud(An american doing futbol sports analogies, great). I questioned her, but was informed I would learn later in life. She then went on to tell me that she had some relationship advice for me. This was great, because I always try and get relationship advice from those who bitterly resent me for my unwillingness to go along with their plan. Shoot, give me the good stuff. Well, she said that I need to be careful the kind of things I say to girls. Not all of them can handle it the way she does. What a saint, I’m lucky to have someone so wise. Upon pressing to know the vulgarities that had escaped my mouth and offended her virgin ears, she informed me that time would teach me. After some thinking, I think it was when I told her, ” Don’t pee on my leg and tell me its raining!” This was in response to her telling me because I wouldn’t let her tickle my feet she wanted to kiss me. Therefore, it was my fault that she wanted to kiss me because of not letting her do something to me that I hate. Intersting, you can now understand my choice of pictures. Ladies and Gentalment, The Manneqin Pis.

Irrational Behavior

Now this is the part where I try and make up for all of my chauvinist and male-perspective thinking kind of comments. When we believe we are in like or in love with somone the world seems to get altered slightly. As the world skews, so does our sense of logic and reality. I can’t count the number of stupid things I’ve said or thought when I’ve liked someone. The famous saying so well quoted in How to Lose a Guy in 10 days is perfect in its comparison to war. All’s fair in love and war. When you’re fighting to win for your side, there are no longer sides to issues, just what’s right, the contents of your mind and no one else’s. Now some may disagree, that’s their perogative. When you like someone, retaining all lucidity is impossible. Helen launched a thousand ships because her true love stole her away without regard to her position, marriage, or the consequences. Romeo and Juliet, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth. Love is irrational, that’s whats beautiful about it. If we were able to logically approach the subject of love, it would make no sense. Binding oneself to another human doesn’t make instinctual sense. However, its illogical, and wonderful all at the same time. Chaos exists because of the single most beautiful freedom we have, choice. Love is one of the few times where our choices have to be guided by something other than logic. So, for these awkward moments, I’m willing to pay some token moments of suffering in the sphere of awkwardness we live in to experience true love. I’m sorry though, that along the way there are some casualties on both sides. However, if we get over the last one we get better.

Personally, I wish this individual the best in her future marriage, though personal advice I’ve witheld. I’ll leave it here for others to benefit from. My mission president said to never eat dinner alone with a woman that isn’t my wife. I agree with this truth and extend it to truly be true to someone, never spend large amounts of time with someone of the opposite sex alone. Too many hormones and pressures from the world to easily fend off temptation. In this case, nothing happened, but there were hurt feelings on both sides. I’ll look back on this experience with a shake of the head and stifled laugh. Just one. I’ll remember how young I was and how silly the whole thing seems years from now. I hate when people call dating a sport, because you can’t leave it on the field. Those emotions influence all that you do. However, that’s all the time I’ll spend thinking about it and return to my fascination with the world cup.